“We live by encouragement and die without it — slowly, sadly and angrily.” ~ Celeste Holm, American actress (1917-2012)
It’s nearly inconceivable that I’m writing about something like this again so soon. It will always be too soon. But why are we as a country loath to explore the reasons it happens and to take action to prevent its happening again?
The rhetoric flying around fast and furiously on news channels and Facebook after the mass shooting at a Florida school on Ash Wednesday was, sadly, no surprise. Each “side” has squared off and had their angry say, and nothing has changed. We are so accustomed to it now that we are almost impervious, almost numb. Some of us, anyway.
I talked with several people who said they watched television news most of the day after it happened. If I had been home and alone, I might have done the same thing. I remember watching excessive coverage after 9/11/2001. It made my heart ache, and I still feel it. I’m afraid it would irreparably harm Miss Lo to see coverage of what went on in Florida. We can only pray she never witnesses that kind of horror here.
On Facebook, I’ve seen various opinions on the Florida tragedy, such as this one: “If only we’d go back to spanking our kids for misbehavior, things like this wouldn’t happen.” And this one (that resurfaces every single time): “Guns don’t kill people — people kill people.”
Spanking our kids is going to keep them from becoming mentally ill? And then keep them from making plans to harm others whom they feel have wronged them? And then keep them from (legally) buying guns to make it so? Or, instead, keep them from killing themselves instead because they’re in such pain? I think not.
Guns definitely do kill people. People do kill people, often on a massive scale, too often in this country. Most shooters are found to be mentally ill … when it’s too late. Although guns must be wielded by people, they are used to inflict horrific damage, and access to them — especially assault rifles — is too easy. No one needs assault rifles to hunt for food or to protect themselves. The words “gun control” shouldn’t be seen as an attempt to infringe on anyone’s Second Amendment rights. (Read the amendment carefully sometime. I do not think it says what many think it does.) Better screening of gun purchasers has got to happen at some point.
Children shouldn’t be coddled to the point they feel “above it all” and without responsibility, which seems to be happening in this country. They should be taught that they (and they alone) are responsible for their actions and the consequences that follow, whether at home or at school. I’ve often heard children blame others (including their parents) for actions only they could control. Such behavior doesn’t make for productive adults and shouldn’t be allowed.
However, children have to be told they are loved and valuable and shown they loved and loved and loved some more. (I’m afraid that’s what the Florida shooter was missing as well as being mentally ill, and, despite his crimes, I feel for him, too.) Children should not be neglected or ignored, be allowed to think that they are “less than,” that they’re not as smart as someone else, that their options for the future are limited. That, too, leads to hopelessness and harmful behavior.
Children are like sponges. They remember what’s said and done to them, whether we realize it or not. As much as I loved the old folks in my family, I remember some harsh words said to me when they probably thought I was too young for it to make an impression. Back then, adults didn’t usually apologize to children, and apologies probably wouldn’t have helped, anyway. That stuff gets burned into little brains. We should all speak kindly to children.
Too often we speak harshly to children out of anger or frustration stemming from situations in which they’re not involved and can’t understand, such as work and other responsibilities, fear of mounting bills, and shifting family dynamics. I have been guilty of that. It’s easier said than done to shield them from the “adult world,” but they will be part of that soon enough. Too soon.
We should strive to teach children by good example, raise them in a faith that teaches the same, praise them without coddling, love them without being lax, discipline them without inflicting physical pain. Difficult? You bet. Worth it? We have to try. There’s no greater reward than teaching and raising great kids if you’re blessed to have them or helping others’ kids if you’re not.
But none of that has anything to do with mental illness. Thoughts and prayers don’t cut it without action. We must also be vigilant, watch our children for signs of mental illness and seek treatment for them as quickly as possible if we see any. Forget stigma. Ignoring those signs has tragic consequences not only for the child who suffers but for the children and parents who may suffer as a result. Just look at Florida.
Most on this list were teenagers with bright futures. American teenagers. Rest in peace, Alyssa Alhadeff, Martin Duque Anguiano, Scott Beigel (teacher), Nicholas Dworet, Aaron Feis (coach), Jaime Guttenburg, Christopher Hixon (athletic director), Luke Hoyer, Cara Loughran, Gina Montalto, Joaquin Oliver, Alaina Petty, Meadow Pollack, Helena Ramsey, Alex Schachter, Carmen Schentrup, Peter Wang.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” ~ Revelation 21:4