The history of engagement rings

A few months ago I glanced at a couple of articles about marriage customs. A couple of things in particular caught my eye. If you find articles that sound anything like this, please let me know where. I'd love to read them again when I have more time.

What I started out looking for was a history of engagement rings, which is something that goes back in a way to prehistoric days, when cavemen tied cords around their mates' ankles, wrists, and waists to bring the females' spirits under their control. Ancient, suspicious, Turkish husbands gave puzzle rings to wives and harem ladies to ensure faithfulness while they were away. Roman husbands gave rings with small keys attached, symbolizing the husband's legal ownership of his woman. (Grrrr). What is it about humanity that has EVER allowed the view of any human being as property?

Putting a ring on what we call the ring finger is about as pagan as you can get. According to a tradition believed to be passed down from the Romans, the wedding ring is worn on the left hand ring finger because there was thought to be a vein in that finger that they called the "vena amoris" or "vein of love," which was said to be directly connected to the heart. Putting a ring on it was their way of capturing the highway to the heart, so to speak.

It surprises me a lot that so many otherwise intelligent people are OK with these traditions. But hey, we line up to view corpses before and/or after funerals--another pagan tradition--so why not?

The other article I read as I made my way down the rabbit hole--the one strictly on marriage itself--referred to arranged marriage as "Marriage of Reason." There were three considerations, according to the author: 1) Who are their parents? 2) How much land do they have? and 3) How similar are their backgrounds? Sounds like the old days. Many marriages in the Bible were arranged in such a manner, and I've met people who lived in and were happy with arranged marriages to the day they died. But most folks don't go for that now.

"Romantic Marriage" considerations (pinging like a teenager's Pokémon wish-list) are 1) I can't stop thinking about my love; 2) I can't stop thinking about my love's smokin' hot bod; 3) I think my love is amazing! and 4) I long to talk to my love all the time. (I'm paraphrasing, but that's the idea.)

The third type of marriage, which the author asserted should be today's way of handling these matters, was called "Psychological Marriage." Its considerations should be: 1) How are they when they're angry? 2) How well will they raise children together? 3) How can they develop as a couple? and 4) How can they remain friends if things go south? Now that, in my mind, is a reasonable list. The author said that preparing people for marriage is an educational task that falls on our culture to handle but rarely gets done as it should.

I've often said--and it seems many agree with me--that since there's a test to get a driver's license, an application process to get into college, and extensive application/interview processes for most jobs, why in heaven's name do we not have processes in place with hoops to jump through for those making their way to the altar and even more for those who plan to procreate? Some churches do offer counseling on the former, if not the latter, but it's not required.

Back to engagement rings. Prior to the late 1800s, those things didn't involve diamonds at all. Until then, diamonds were thought to be scarce, found in only a few remote places on earth, so they were reserved for those of wealth and privilege. In the late 1800s, diamonds from South African mines were being scooped out "by the tons." De Beers Mining Company, which had a monopoly on the mines, didn't like that one little bit because it drove prices down. They saved up the diamonds and strictly controlled their distribution to get prices back up. Don't even get me started on how horribly they treated the workers in those mines. That may still be happening.

With an impending war in Europe and the Great Depression hitting the U.S. in the 1930s, diamond prices plummeted again. Engaged couples said, "Never mind," and went with cheaper stones or just metals. De Beers enlisted the help of an ad agency to create a sense of urgency for couples to acquire diamond engagement rings.

Diamonds became the romantic stuff of movies, print and radio ads, as a symbol of enduring love and commitment (think "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes or Some Like It Hot). Extravagant jewels were loaned to celebrities for red carpet appearances and portraits in an attempt to make the average working man feel desperate to find a way to buy his intended that which the stars had.

What really scorches my scones is that school administrators in this country allowed the De Beers goons to infiltrate their institutions, indoctrinating students in the 1940s and '50s with the belief that a diamond engagement ring was the only acceptable way to say "I do." School children (teenagers, but still) were taught the four Cs--color, cut, clarity, and carat weight--as well as the idea that the "appropriate" amount to spend on a diamond engagement ring was "one to three months' salary." Statistics since then indicate that those who spend more on engagement rings are more likely to get divorced than those who spend less.

To cap it all off, De Beers came out with the ad campaign with the tagline "A diamond is forever" in 1947, called by Ad Age magazine "the most successful campaign slogan of the 20th century." I'm not looking to--and unlikely to--run any jewelers out of business, as this behavior of buying and spending a wad on diamond engagement rings is completely ingrained in the U.S. consciousness.

Climbing down off my soapbox now.

On a personal note, the Banner-News' own Ashley and her fiancé Corey are about to embark on the journey of married life this Saturday. I don't want to know how much you kids spent on your rings, because that doesn't matter when it comes right down to what does. I do want to offer best wishes and congratulations, and I hope you remember this: "To love and be loved is the pinnacle of happiness and riches. May you never lose sight of this precious treasure in all your days together."

That's true treasure.

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